Elon Musk Holds “Cyber Rodeo” As Tesla Announce 127,785 Car Recall

On Friday our time, Elon Musk rounded up his fans and workers in Texas and held a huge hoedown he called a Cyber Rodeo.  The get-together was to celebrate the opening of the Austin Tesla Gigafactory — the largest factory by volume in the world.

Given its name, I thought the shindig was a little shy of robots riding bucking broncos, but it was definitely interesting — provided you fast forward through the boring bits, which you can do below:

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Unlike the last time I wrote about an Elon Musk rally, this is not a joke.  At least, it was no more of a joke than Elon intended it to be. 

On Friday — their Thursday — Tesla pulled off a real feat of organization and efficiency.  Not only did they have a huge factory opening, but they also announced a massive recall of 127,785 Model 3 vehicles in China.  Now that’s what I call multi-tasking. 

It’s also what I call sweeping bad news under the rug.

It’s not Tesla’s largest recall, but the cost could come to hundreds of millions depending on how extensive repairs need to be.  It’s not known if any Model 3 cars in Australia or other countries will be affected. 

But at the Cyber Rodeo, the positive atmosphere wasn’t marred by any hint of bad news.  We didn’t hear a peep about…

• The recall.
• The closure of Tesla’s Shanghai gigafactory due to COVID.
• Current sky-high prices for lithium and other commodities.
• Growing competition in the EV market.
• The fact a known bounty hunter was visible in the audience.

Instead, there was only good news and boundless opportunity, as large and as poorly regulated as Texas itself.

The New Factory

The new Austin factory, or Gigafactory as Tesla calls it, because all the sillier names are already taken¹, will produce Model Y electric vehicles.  According to Elon’s original plan, this was supposed to be a low-cost economy EV, but Tesla abandoned that idea long ago, and they are instead pricey electric SUVs.  In Australia, the lowest cost version will apparently start at $68,000, with fancier ones coming in at around $98,000. 

We were told the factory will also produce the much delayed Cybertruck next year, but I wouldn’t hold my breath if you’re waiting for them in Australia — or even Texas. 

The new factory is in Austin, next to the Colorado River.  Austin, as everyone knows, is the birthplace of Steve Austin — the 6 Million Dollar Man.  Of course, all that will get you in Texas these days is a hip replacement and a glass eye.

The Rodeo Begins… Slowly

The event’s live stream began with a countdown timer promising there were only 6 minutes and 48 seconds until it started.  This was a lie.  Once the timer ran down, we had to stare at a message saying “starting soon” for 38 seconds.  I guess we’ll have to wait for technology to become far more advanced before we can accomplish feats such as starting a countdown timer 38 seconds earlier.

Chunks Of Info

While waiting for the timer to count down to the “starting soon” sign, we were treated to nuggety chunks of information superimposed over a promotional video.  One of them was:

“15,000+ Superchargers in the U.S.” 

That sounds impressive, and it is impressive.  But that’s not the same as the number of Supercharger locations.  As of March 30th, there were 1,315 Tesla Supercharger locations in the United States.  Each averaging around a dozen Supercharger units.

We were also told, over an image of a battery pack being made: 

“With our new 4680 cells, we’re producing the industry’s first structural battery pack on site.”

Tesla will produce battery cells on-site, but this isn’t the only place they’ll get them from.  Panasonic says they will also produce the 4680 cells in multiple locations in Japan. 

“Over 70,000 solar panels will help provide the factory with power.”

Notice the word “will” in there?  The factory roof “will” probably soon look something like this:

But, as far as I can tell, it looks a lot more like this at the moment:

For all I know, Tesla rushed the job, and it now resembles the CGI mockup, but sometimes Tesla finds stretching the truth to be easier than getting things done.

Tesla Model Y Info

We were told the Model Y has “immersive entertainment” and were shown people playing games on the console monitor. 

Also, according to one brief segment, the Model Y has the ability to transport you to Toon Town:

Here’s other information they gave on the Model Y, with relevant parts translated from stupid units into metric:

• 0-97 km/h in as little as 3.5 seconds.
• Drive up to 531 km on a single charge.  (I don’t believe this one.)
• Plug-in anywhere — over a video showing an EV charger and a normal US powerpoint being used.
• Or recharge up to 322 km in just 15 minutes.  (A very rapid rate.)

Note the words “as little” and “up to”.  I’m sure you’ll have to spend “up to” $100,000 for them to apply.

The Tesla Model Y, like the Model 3, has a glass roof.  This is not so great for Australia, but some may like it.  It could be acceptable in Melbourne, appreciated in Tasmania, and is sure to be a hit at Mawson Station.

They also flashed up some information on the Cybertruck, but I don’t see any point in repeating it until there’s actually a chance of them showing up here. 

The Rodeo Begins… But Not Really

After seven and a half minutes of waiting, the presentation finally started… on the next round of waiting for the presentation to start. 

For 8 minutes and 27 seconds, we were treated to drone shots of the factory exterior:

Then we had 14 minutes of drones creating patterns in the sky:

Just in case you were wondering how the state of human/drone relations was going, the first thing they did was give everyone at the factory the finger:

While Skynet flipping off humanity may seem interesting, most of the drone show was more boring aerial shots of the factory. 

After the Cyber Rodeo finally finished droning on, Tesla showed us 1 minute and 50 seconds of prerecorded video that suggests, rather than being made, Model Y Electric Vehicles live wild on the plains and are rounded up by cowboys:

Then, finally, Elon Musk made his appearance by driving a Roadster — the first vehicle Tesla produced — onto a stage.  He emerged dressed all in black like some sort of billionaire Johnny Cash.  The part of the presentation I’d been waiting for — actual words from a human being’s head — was underway.

But, as his presentation was only 25 minutes and mostly consisted of Musk speaking very slowly with long pauses for cheering from the crowd, there wasn’t a lot of substance.

Translation Note

I’m going to quote Musk’s more important points below, but I will edit them for clarity so they make sense.  This is because, in public, Elon Musk only speaks the hard to understand English dialect called Disjointed.  Let me know if you think he was trying to say something other than what I wrote down.

Achievement Showcase

After a rock star style introduction, Elon said:

“We’re going to talk about past, present, and future.”

As soon as I heard this, I thought — thank god!  At last, someone will give these Americans an English lesson and they’ll finally learn how to pronounce “aluminium”.  But it was not to be, and he instead started talking about Tesla’s accomplishments.  It seems there have been quite a few of these:

“Thanks to the incredible work of the Tesla team, two-thirds of the electric vehicles in the United States are all made by Tesla.”

I was going to let this statement slide without fact-checking it, but then I reminded myself this was Tesla.  I quickly looked it up and saw 79% of EVs sold in the US in 2020 were Teslas, so I assume it’s more or less correct.

Judging by the cheers whenever he said the words “Tesla team”, there were a lot of workers in the crowd, as you’d expect at a factory opening.

Elon went on to say:

“We have full self-driving in beta.”

What?  Maybe you mean you have full self-driving on a planet around Beta Centauri because you sure as hell don’t have it here on earth!  Maybe he meant to say, “We have full self-aggrandizement in practice.” 

I really wish Elon Musk would repudiate his continual calumnies concerning self-driving.  It’s going to get someone killed…

…in addition to the people it may have already killed. 

Self-driving cars are a thing.  They do exist and operate under a restricted set of conditions.  But Tesla doesn’t sell any at the moment.  While Musk claims the Tesla EVs of those who paid extra for “full self-driving capability” will become fully autonomous at an unspecified point in the future, it won’t be Elon Musk who decides when you no longer have to pay attention to the road in this country.  It will be the Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development, and Communications, located in the Profoundly Boring Building in Canberra.

Musk spent a fair bit of time talking about this thing that doesn’t exist yet — at least not for people who think the phrase “full self-driving” has meaning beyond whatever Elon Musk chooses it to be.  Then he said this was Tesla’s sixth major factory, and the Texas Gigafactory was now Tesla’s global headquarters.  

While he didn’t specifically say this was because he thought cowboys could beat ninjas in a fight, given his cowboy hat, that was my impression.  Of course, as many of Tesla’s battery cells come from Japan, this could be exactly what ninjas want us to think.  

Musk then made the point the Texas Gigafactory was the largest factory in the world by volume:

“According to our calculations you could fit 194 billion hamsters in this building.” 

The screen flashed up a simple layout of the factory behind Elon:

Video of batteries being produced in the factory was displayed behind him, and Musk said:

“Over time this will probably be the biggest cell factory in the world.”

We were then told the new gigafactory would produce more vehicles than any other automotive factory in the United States:

“We’re aiming, with just the Model Y program alone, to get to half a million units a year and then we’re gonna start manufacturing Cybertruck here next year.”

According to the screen behind Musk, they plan to produce “one million+ vehicles per year”.

“In the trailing 12 months we’ve delivered over a million cars worldwide.”

Then he said they still have a long way to go:

“We’re still like, maybe, a little over 1% of total vehicle output in the world.  And we want to get to, I don’t know, 20%.  As much as we can to move the needle.”

Musk then said he wouldn’t spill all the beans but gave a list of future developments they were working on:

• Expansion on a massive scale
• Full self-driving
• A dedicated robo-taxi
• A Tesla robot called Optimus
• Production next year will include the Cybertruck, the Roadster sports car, and the Tesla Semi.

I’m sure they’ll produce plenty of Model Ys.  As for the rest, I’ll believe it when I see it.  If a miracle occurs and Elon is not being too optimistic for once, be sure to let me know.

A Cybertrucking Finish

Elon then announced the first deliveries of vehicles from the Texas factory were underway, and a parade of Model Ys drove across the stage.  They were followed by a Cybertruck that stopped on stage.  It looked slightly different from earlier versions as it had a snub nose and no door handles.  Fortunately, this doesn’t mean you need to smash a window to get in.

Musk said…

“Who needs handles?  The car can just tell that you’re there and knows it needs to open.”

This makes me fervently hope that if I ever own a Cybertruck, no one ever tries to find out the minimum amount of Ronald required to open the door.

It also made me wonder how people will get you out of a Cybertruck after a crash.  Will it know you are dying and hand bystanders a pry bar?  Little details like this make me think the Cybertruck won’t be roadworthy in Australia any time soon. 

The presentation then finished with Elon getting in the Cybertruck and driving off while Beethoven’s 8th symphony played and fireworks exploded in the sky above the factory².

Elon’s Unmentionables

While no mention was made of unpleasant things such as Model 3 recalls and COVID related factory closures, I really wasn’t expecting anything along those lines.  I did get what I expected — a huge helping of optimism the size of Texas.  

If you believe everything Elon Musk says you’re a fool, but if you don’t want EV production to ramp up to replace internal combustion engine vehicles, you’re also a fool³. Quite possibly a fossil fool.  I’m crossing my fingers that Tesla will succeed in producing a vast number of EVs in the coming years.  While I’m not sure Elon deserves that much success, I think we do.

Original Source: https://www.solarquotes.com.au/blog/elon-musk-cyber-rodeo/